From satirist Scott Ott in the DCExaminer:  Obama requires tea party protests to use government-funded leaf

Department of Agriculture officials today announced a previously-unnoticed provision of President Obama’s stimulus package that provides billions of dollars to corporations that sold tea for thousands of nationwide ‘Tea Parties’ this week.

Modeled after the historic Boston Tea Party, the 1773 colonial American rebellion against the King’s taxation without representation, the gatherings protest out-of-control federal spending, public-sector control of private enterprise, and what many see as a lurch toward socialism at all levels of government.

President Obama, who swept to power riding a populist wave, “wants to show the American people that he’s with them 100 percent,” according to an Agriculture Department source.

“So, not only will Barack Obama pay for the actual tea used in the protests,” the unnamed source said, “but he’ll dispatch armed Ag agents to ensure that only government-funded leaf makes it into the events.”

Last week, the president convened a closed-door meeting of the nation’s leading tea-producing executives and told them he would pump tens of billions of dollars into each of their firms. Although some CEOs were reluctant to take the stimulus money, the president insisted, noting that the confidence of the American people was dependent upon full participation by industry leaders.

The rest at the link.