From satirist Scott Ott:  Geithner boosts NASA funds to probe cosmos for bail-out cash

Just a day after U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner proposed increasing U.S. contributions to his former employer, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) by $100 billion, he offered another plan to increase funding for NASA space probes to search for life, and sources of bail-out cash, on other planets.

“Let’s face it,” said an unnamed Treasury source, “Earth is too big to fail. We can all boost funding to the IMF, but at some point that’s like scooping water out of a bucket to fill the same bucket. The fundamental problem is that Earth is a closed economic system. To rescue the global economy we need help that’s literally out of this world.”

Under the terms of the so-called Geithner Intergalactic Plan, NASA would launch dozens of unmanned space probes each month to “the four corners of the cosmos”, each one bearing a kind of universal ATM device. When a probe lands on a planet, and is discovered by its inhabitants, a pictograph etched on the casing will give instructions on how to swipe a credit card, insert local money for automatic conversion into Euros, or simply click a PayPal button.

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