This week the Obama Administration announced that the Environmental Protection Agency is expected to act for the first time to regulate carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases that scientists blame for the warming of the planet.  E.P.A. Expected to Regulate Carbon Dioxide

If the environmental agency determines that carbon dioxide is a dangerous pollutant to be regulated under the Clean Air Act, it would set off one of the most extensive regulatory rule makings in history. Ms. Jackson knows that she would be stepping into a minefield of Congressional and industry opposition and said that she was trying to devise a program that allayed these worries.

For the knowledge-impaired, carbon dioxide is what you and every living thing that obtains energy from breaking down sugars, fats and amino acids with oxygen as part of their metabolism, in a process called cellular respiration, produces. This includes all plants, animals, many fungi and some bacteria.  It’s the white vapor that comes out of your mouth and the mouths of your pets in winter.  We are all planet-killers now, even that cute little squirrel that eats all the bird seed in my feeders when I forget to put red pepper in it.

“We are poised to be specific on what we regulate and on what schedule,” Ms. Jackson said. “We don’t want people to spin that into a doomsday scenario.”

And if you believe that, I have a bridge to nowhere for sale.  Scott Ott of Scrappleface, your friendly family satire place, exposes that claim for the fraud it is.  EPA Proposes Odd-Even Carbon Dioxide Emission Rationing

Officials at the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), intent on limiting human carbon dioxide emissions, this week revived an idea from the 1979 energy crisis to cut the most reliable sources of atmospheric CO2 by up to 50 percent.

Carbon dioxide, largely responsible for the decade-long cooling trend caused by global warming, flows as a toxic waste product from humans and many other animals, as well as from tilled soiled, energy production, motorized transportation and human manufacturing processes, all of which pose an imminent threat to life on earth.

Under the new EPA Odd-Even Carbon Dioxide Rationing System (OECDRS) proposed by the Obama administration, citizens with Social Security numbers ending in odd numerals would be permitted to emit carbon dioxide on odd-numbered days, and the rest on even numbered days. Illegal aliens would follow the same rules using the numerals on their counterfeit Social Security cards.

“If we can get each citizen and virtual citizen to exhale, drive cars, and use electricity, heat, and food only every other day, the impact on Mother Earth would be substantial, to say the least,” said an unnamed EPA scientist.

“To the cynics who suggest this policy would result in people being cold, unemployed, hungry, light-headed, unconscious or dead, we remind you that ‘the fierce urgency of now’ trumps the petty politics of the past, and the collective good must supersede the selfish desires of any one person,” she added.

The EPA source noted that the policy will also reduce overcrowding in American cities.

“In the future, the surviving colonies of humans will be free from the threat of wildfires, melting polar ice caps, rising ocean levels and the other terrors of global climate change,” she said. “What a wonderful world this would be.”

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